The Incredible Mystery of Snape and Snape's Cat
by lisha2
Summary: Snape orders cat. Cat is not normal cat. Mystery begins. Sexual education comes up. Snape finds a friend. People die. Sad and happy things happen.


Snape and Snape's Cat  
Not everything is what it seems.  
It was a very un-interesting day in hogwarts by hogwarts standards, and nobody was really happy either, seeing that Snape was happy because everyone else was unhappy and he had ordered a cat from a pet shop somewhere in Bosnia. Now, everyone liked cats, even if it was just a little, but for some reason, they thought that Snape had ordered some sort of mega strong demon cat with evil intentions. That was the deal with Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who, as you and I know, are always at one point, suspicious of the potions master. And it, being the day that the cat was coming, was too much for our fiesty threesome.  
"I'm afraid." said Ron, sitting in the common room early that beautiful morning, not hungry for breakfast. "What if he kills us...with his cat?"  
Hermione sighed.  
"I know that you all think that he's getting a demon cat, but that's just...stupid! I know it seems possible, but Snape just dosn't get paid enough to even see a demon cat."  
Ron shook his head at Hermione.  
"Mrs.Norris is a demon cat and her owner is just about as rich as a dried prune."  
"She is not a demon cat!"  
"Is too!"  
"Is not!"  
"Is too!"  
"Is not!"  
Harry sighed and pushed Hermione and Ron apart.  
"Guys, it could be a demon cat...and...cat mix..."  
Silence.  
"Harry! Harry!" yelled Ginny, running through the door. "Snape's cat is here-and it's in a huge metal container!"  
The four of them ran as fast as they could out of the portrait hole, and dashing down the halls at breakneck speed untill they came to the great hall, where there was indeed a gigantic metal container that was being rocked wildly. There were loud roars coming form within. Hermione grew pale.  
"I think it is a demon cat!" she said, holding on to Ron. Professor Snape entered the hall, and looked at the metal containment thingy.  
"Let it out." he said. A delivery guy edged to the front of the container, and slipped out a peg. The door flew open, and jaws dropped at what walked out of the container....  
It was a little cat girl, no older than nine, with bright orange hair and the cutest little cat ears and cat tail you ever did see. She was wearing a black dress that fell to her knees, and odd little boots with green gems on them. Her hands were claws, but elegant claws, almost like hands, but covered in smooth orange fur with lethal looking nails.  
  
"Hello." she said. "I'm Ki'ele, your cat."  
Snape gulped.  
"What-you-I thought-"  
"What's wrong?" said Ki'ele. "Am I...not your kind of cat?"  
"No..."  
"Well....than what's your problem?!"  
The cat girl sat next to Snape on the floor, toying with one of two short braids that came down her shoulders. The rest of her hair flowed freely, like a waterfall of orange soda. Harry turned to Hermione.  
"Why couldn't you look like that when you turned into a cat?" he asked. Hermione scoffed.  
"I didn't think I had much of a choice, Harry."  
Ron's face grew a bit sad.  
"She looks a bit dissapointed..." he said. "I guess she was waiting for someone to love her..."  
Harry looked closer at the Ki'ele, who Snape was telling to get up because it was time he got to his class.  
"She does look a bit sad, does she?"  
The three of them decided to see Snape's cat during lunch, no matter how dangerous it most likely would be...that was, after they meerely looked at it in Snape's class.  
"Now class-"  
The entire class was quiet, looking to the front of the class. But not at Snape, at Ki'ele, who was doodling all over Snape's attendance papers. Malfoy raised his hand.  
"Professor, the cat is drawing on your attendance papers."  
the entire class broke into a wild fit of laughter, and when I say entire, I mean all teens-the way that sentence sounded was too much.  
"Quiet!" snape bellowed, making everyone silent. Ki'ele dropped the quill and ran up front to sit next to Snape on the floor.  
"Why are you here?" he said.  
"Because-"  
"Go away...go, play with something..or...something."  
Ki'ele sighed and sat at Snape's desk, tapping her claws meaninglessly on it, looking somewhat forlorne. Hermione poked Harry in the shoulder.  
"He's so mean to her!" she whispered. Harry nodded.  
"She looks even more sad, the poor thing"  
Ki'ele sat quietly at Snape's desk the whole class, doing nothind but occasionally squirming and tapping her claws. After the class was over, Harry, Ron, and Hermione proceeded to discuss Ki'ele.  
"She's cute." said Ron. "She looks like a grown woman I saw in one of Fred and Georges' pin-up mags."  
Harry stopped in his tracks.  
"Your brothers have pin-up mags?!You've seen a pin-up mag?!"  
"Yhea, Gamewarlock. A nice naked girl can always brighten your day."  
Hermione rolled her eyes.  
"Those are stupid, disgusting things-"  
Ron smiled slyly.  
"I've seen you alone in the commonroom with a copy of 'Gamewitch' once..."  
Hermione narrowed her eyes and quickened her pace.  
"You know Ron, it's different for girls."  
Harry sighed and followed Ron and Hermione to Transfiguration.  
"Attention class." chirped professor McGonagall. "It has come to my attention that you are wondering about professor Snape's cat."  
The class nodded in unison, and some mumbles were heard.  
"She is a cat girl, yes, this is true. A cat girl is what happens when a griffin and a hippogriff mate...under certain precautions..."  
The class was absolutely quiet.  
"And after mating, the Griffin or Hippogriff, whatever one is the female, creates a large egg. If the egg is warmed by the mother or father, it will be a normal everyday fox. But if a fairy sits on the egg before this happens, it will be a cat girl. Are you taking notes?"  
More silence.  
"And if a pixie sits on the egg before this happens, it will be a cat boy. And if a cat girl and cat boy mate, they will have a normal everyday fox. Understood?"  
The class remained absolutely quiet. Ron raised his hand.  
"But what happens if a cat girl and a griffin or hippogriff mate?"  
Professor McGonagall turned red.  
"We will not discuss beastality in this class, Mr.Weasley."  
Ron tilted his head like a curious puppy.  
"But what DOES happen?"  
Neville raised his hand.  
"Professor McGonagall, how does mating take place?"  
Professor McGonagall was becoming even more red, and Hermione decided to join in the conversation.  
"Why don't we have a sexual education class in this school?"  
Random students started to yell statements.  
"We need to know!"  
"What's a condom?"  
"Are storks real?"  
Harry put his head down and laughed.  
"Oy, Harry!" said Ron. "We should take this to the headmaster!"  
Hermione nodded.  
"Yes, but not for anyone's entertainment, for education!"  
"Penis!"  
"Oh, shut your gob!"  
  
It was lunchtime, and our threesome decided to see Ki'ele before seeing Dumbledore, and had a streak of luck, because it just so happened that the two of them were hawing lunch on the lawn.  
"Hello, headmaster." said Harry, leading the group. "May I have a seat?"  
Dumbledore nodded.  
"Sure, there's lots to eat."  
"Sir.." said Ron. "We need to have...'The talk'."  
the headmaster nodded.  
"Go on, Ron."  
"There comes a time in every young wizard and witches life when certain changes need to be learned about. Do you understand?"  
"Mr.Weasley, your brothers already tried to con me into putting a pornography section in the library, and it didn't work."  
"No, I'm talking about...well...sexual education."  
Ki'ele was listening.  
"What's pornography? What's sexual education?"  
Everyone went quiet.  
"Candy." said Ron, thinking of the quickest answer. Ki'ele nodded and was content. The headmaster thought for a moment.  
"Perhaps I'll think about it." he said.  
The Author's Corner  
  
So? How was it? Do you liiiiike it? Remember, this is the first of many chapters, so beware. now I have to get back to my chicken. Byyyye!! 


End file.
